Forget Me Not

Chapter 1

Somewhere in the jungle west of Nha Trang, Vietnam, 1972

“Di di di!” the Vietnamese guards shouted as the emaciated soldiers scrambled toward the dense jungle growth. Moving quickly to escape the pointed jabs of the guards’ bayonettes, the men scurried toward the shroud of palms and ferns as the whup-whup-whup of U.S. helicopters spiraled downward and appeared to be on the verge of landing in the compound of the prisoner-of-war camp.

“Di di, di di mau,” the captors shouted to the gaunt-faced soldiers cowering under the hateful glare of the North Vietnamese Army guards.

Hope of rescue. This was what the prisoners dreamed of, lived for. This was what kept them alive—hope that the choppers would swoop down in a blaze of glory and take them from this cesspool of filth and torture.

Bringing up the rear, Dalton “Mac” McNamara was one of the last men to join his fellow prisoners. He turned back to look just as the choppers turned and began to leave.

The sound of the departing rotor blades took Dalton’s last hope of rescue, leaving him and the other men devastated in spirit. After the starvation, the sickness, and the misery, after burying almost half of their fellow prisoners, hope for life faded into a numbness that had become their miserable existence.

“He knows we’re here,” Dalton mumbled to a fellow prisoner, a marine named Wilson.

“Then they’ll come back,” Wilson whispered.

Dalton shook his head. He knew the drill by now. “No, they’ll move us before they return. They had their chance.”

After trudging back to camp in the sweltering heat, the lifeless men fell through the door of the hooch, their minds filled with questions of what if. What if the choppers would have landed? The NVA guards would have been outnumbered. They could have taken them. What if they would have been rescued? By now they would be on their way back to Saigon, back to real beds, real food, real lives.

What if?

Just as Dalton had predicted, the next day the prisoners were roused from their sleep and moved to a new camp. Many of the men had difficulty making the long journey through the jungle. Most had been injured before or during their capture and had received only primitive medical care.

The men had no shoes; walking was painful on their bony, bleeding, and infected feet. They received no mercy, no compassion for their condition. If they fell behind, they received a bayonette in the back. Dalton had lost count of how many stab wounds he had.

The new camp was no better than their other camp, except for a stream nearby where they could get water and wash themselves.

They moved into their new hooch with their few belongings and their blankets that were no more than discarded rice sacks sewn together. Ironically, printed on the sacks were the words Donated by the People of the USA. The blankets did nothing to ward off the rain-drenched chill of the mountains. All they wore were the same flimsy black pajamas worn by the Vietnamese, given to the soldiers once their fatigues eventually rotted from their bodies due to the extreme humidity.

With the close proximity of water came swarms of huge mosquitos. Because of the lack of mosquito nets, every prisoner suffered from malaria. The deficiency of vitamins in their diets caused them to suffer from scurvy, osteomalacia, bleeding gums, and edema. They also lost teeth. Dalton wondered, if they were eventually rescued, if their health would ever return to normal. Somehow he doubted it.

Dalton did his best to keep up his spirits and the morale of the men around him, but conditions like these, day after day, pulled each of them further and further down to despair and hopelessness.

Each day the men gathered firewood and as many edible plants as they could find. The rest of the day they talked of home, girlfriends, family, and what they would do when they were rescued. At night they escaped into their dreams, their only reprieve from misery. Unless they were awakened by one of the rats. Dalton had kicked many a hungry rat across the room during the night. It was just one more thing they had to endure.

With the new camp came several new guards and a new commander.

One young guard named Trang actually showed a hint of humanity to the prisoners and pestered them to help him learn English. His true loyalties were questionable, since he was fascinated with anything regarding the American way of life. He asked about automobiles, movie stars, and living conditions in America.

Then there was the camp commander, who never cracked a smile, rarely spoke a word directly to the prisoners, and mostly stayed inside his thatched hooch. The prisoners nicknamed him “Godzilla” because of the stiff, bowlegged way he walked, the stern, angry expression on his face, and the way he scowled at his surroundings as if waiting for an attack.

Yet as grouchy as he seemed, Dalton noticed occasional glimmers of kindness about him. Without warning he would allow the men extra rations of rice, or some days he would even provide chicken or pork from the livestock kept by the camp cadre. It was when he gave the prisoners a few chickens to raise that Dalton realized the man had a modicum of humanity inside and under different circumstances was probably a decent human being. Dalton wondered if the man had a wife and family. Did he hate the war as much as they did?

Morale was low, their level of misery high. If it wasn’t the ninety-percent humidity making life unbearable, it was the threat of poisonous snakes and scorpions and the continual stinging of mosquitos and ants.

Through it all, Dalton vowed to not let the Vietcong break his spirit. He was determined not to let the detestable conditions rob him of his will to live. He never went to sleep without saying a prayer and finding something to be grateful for. Some days it was nearly impossible to do, and prayer was the only thing that got him through. He refused to believe God had forgotten about him, as so many of the men claimed.

Upon rising, he always mumbled a plea for help for himself and the other men. He prayed for rescue and to someday be able to return home to his family. His faith prevented the flicker of hope inside from being extinguished by the feelings of defeat and helplessness. But it seemed as though each day, when they thought it couldn’t get any worse, something would happen to show them that it could. And each night, when the men went to bed, they wondered if it would be their last night on earth.

Chapter 2

Newport Beach, California, thirty years later

Paige McNamara opened the suitcase she’d just pulled out of storage and placed it on top of her bed. She was packing for their trip to Vietnam. A trip to find answers and, more importantly, closure for both Dalton and his daughter, Skyler, whose mother was a Vietnamese woman Dalton had met while serving during the war.

Paige knew the trip would be physically difficult and emotionally draining, but they all believed it would also bring peace, something both Dalton and Skyler needed in their lives. Dalton had struggled greatly with the things he’d witnessed and experienced during the war.

In her own way, Skyler was also haunted by the war. Not firsthand, but secondhand, through her father and mother. Soon Lee had been a lost and desperate young woman when Dalton found her. He helped provide a way for her to leave Vietnam and make a better life for herself in the United States. She’d lived with Dalton’s family and adapted quickly to an American way of life. Yet her own life was haunted by the war. She’d lost her father, brothers, and husband in battle. But worse was the child whose life was lost to protect an entire village of women and children. While hiding from North Vietnamese soldiers, her baby had started to cry, and she knew that the soldiers would find her and the others if he didn’t stop. So she held the baby to her chest, trying to smother his cries. The infant’s cries had stopped then, never to be heard again.

Soon Lee never recovered from the guilt. Her dreams were filled with her baby’s cries. After Dalton returned from the prisoner-of-war camps, he and Soon Lee fell in love and got married. Dalton had hoped that after they’d had a child of their own, Soon Lee would be able to move on and that the nightmares would stop. But the guilt never ceased. Finally, Soon Lee couldn’t go on. Using the sleeping pills that were necessary for any sleep she got, Soon Lee went to sleep permanently, to escape her pain. But that pain lived on, through Skyler.

Answers. Dalton and his daughter both needed answers. And somehow they believed those answers were in Vietnam.

Paige was willing to do whatever it took to help these two people she’d grown to love and care for deeply. Dalton was her soul mate, her other half. Skyler was the daughter she’d never had. And with Paige’s son Jared home from his mission, her life was complete.

Jared had planned on going to Vietnam with them, but before Christmas he had started dating the sister of one of his former mission companions, and the two had since become inseparable. He’d already informed his mother and stepdad that he wasn’t going to be able to go on the trip with them. His list of reasons included school, basketball, and his job, but they all knew it was Nicole who made leaving for three weeks harder than when he’d left for two years on his mission.

The sound of the front door opening and then slamming shut reverberated through the house. It was too early for Dalton to be home from work, which meant it had to be Sky.

Paige shut her eyes and prayed that she would be able to say the right things so Sky wouldn’t get upset with her. The change in her relationship with her stepdaughter concerned her. When she and Dalton had first gotten married, Paige and Sky had been close, more than friends, almost as close as a mother and daughter. But within the last few months, Sky had grown agitated, and at times seemed annoyed with Paige. Dalton noticed it too but didn’t know what to think of the change in her behavior. He wondered if maybe the pressure of graduating from high school and having to make so many important decisions about her future was making his daughter so unpleasant. Paige, on the other hand, thought it had something to do with this trip to Vietnam. She felt Sky needed to find out about her mother to complete herself. It was something Paige understood because she had never had a good relationship with her own mother.

If going to Vietnam would give Sky the things she needed to be whole, then Paige supported it completely. She just wished Sky wouldn’t take her frustrations and anxiety out on her. But she did. And it was to the point that Paige wondered if maybe it would be better for her to stay home and let Sky and Dalton go without her. With everything going on in her own life, she had plenty to stay home for. But she felt a great need to go with them so she could understand both of them better. Soon Lee was also a part of her life.

“Sky, is that you?” Paige called.

“Yeah, what’s for dinner?” Sky answered from the kitchen.

Paige hesitated to answer, never knowing if what she’d prepared for dinner would be something Sky would be in the mood to eat. Still, trying to prepare her stepdaughter’s favorites didn’t seem to make the evening meal any more pleasant. Sky seemed to make a point of being difficult and picky. For Paige, it was a no-win situation no matter what she did.

“Your dad said he’d pick up something on the way home. I’ve been over at Bryant’s all day, so I haven’t had a chance to make anything.”

“What’s he getting?”

“I don’t know,” Paige replied. “Call him on his cell and talk to him. I’m sure he’ll get whatever you want.”

Paige wasn’t up to putting up with Sky’s testiness. She’d had a particularly difficult day herself. After her friend Lou passed away from breast cancer, she’d felt a need to step up and help Bryant out with the house and their two children. It was hard enough to deal with the loss of her best friend, but to see the struggle Bryant and the kids had without Lou made it even harder. Bryant was a shell of a man, going through the motions of daily life but completely empty inside. The children still seemed to be in shock over the death of their mother. Neither of them said much about it, but Paige sensed their pain. Each time she hugged them good-bye, they clung to her with desperation.

Bryant had a part-time nanny who was there when the kids got home from school, did light housework, made them a home-cooked meal each night, and helped the children get their homework done before Bryant got home for work. But Paige felt like there was so much more that needed to be done for the family. She changed sheets, caught up on the laundry, and did a lot of the deep cleaning around the house. But most important, she offered hugs and love and sometimes a shoulder to cry on.

All of it was much more emotionally draining than physically.

Paige went to the laundry room, where she started a last load of laundry and folded a batch of whites from the dryer. While folding T-shirts into a pile, Paige felt a pair of hands slip around her waist.

Dalton kissed her on the neck. “Hello, beautiful,” he said.

Paige closed her eyes as his kisses trailed up her neck to her earlobe. He pulled her into a warm hug and held her. She doubted she would ever take for granted the tenderness and displays of affection he showed her. Her first husband, Mark, hadn’t been the type to show affection toward her. Dalton was the loving, caring husband she’d always dreamed of but never thought she’d have.

“How was your day?” Paige asked, snuggling close to him.

“Long. I looked forward to coming home to a nice, quiet evening with you.”

“Dad,” Sky hollered from the kitchen. “Did you remember to get the salad dressing? I wanted the creamy tomatillo.”

“Uh-oh,” Dalton said.

“Dad?” the impatient voice came again.

“I don’t think I got the right dressing,” Dalton confessed.

Paige kissed her husband and said, “Don’t worry, dear. I think I have some in the fridge. I’ll go see.”

With luck, Paige found some of Sky’s favorite salad dressing from the last time they had eaten at that particular restaurant.

“How’s your packing going, Sky?” Dalton asked his daughter.

The girl shrugged. “I haven’t done it yet.”

“Honey, we leave the day after tomorrow.”

“I know, Dad.”

“You need to get packed so we have time to get anything you might need,” he told her.

“Okay, I’ll do it,” Sky answered.

“I can help you, if you’d like,” Paige offered.

“I can do it,” Sky said, then she mumbled something else under her breath. Paige wasn’t sure, but it sounded like “Quit acting like you’re my mother.”

The comment stung like a slap in the face. Things had been going so well, the two families had meshed together, and Paige had never known such contentment in her life. Until Sky’s recent behavior change.

This trip. Paige couldn’t help but wonder if all of this had something to do with this trip. Was it a sign? Were they not supposed to go? Paige suddenly felt uneasy about going to Vietnam. Perhaps it was because Jared wasn’t going. She’d always thought of the family going together, but he had other things to do.

Maybe I should stay home, she thought again. She had plenty of reasons to stay, but deep in her heart she still wanted to be there with Dalton and Sky.

* * *

“What do you mean you think you shouldn’t go on this trip?” Dalton’s arms paused in midair as he pulled off his T-shirt. Then, slowly, he pulled the shirt over his head and tossed it onto the bed.

“I think that’s what’s bothering Sky. I think she wants this trip to be just you and her.”

“Paige . . .”

“No, Dalton, think about it. This trip is going to be very emotional for both of you. She’s going back to meet her mother’s family, to see where her mother grew up and lived. This is about her bonding with her mom and hopefully making some good memories, finding some closure. She doesn’t want me to get in the way of that. I can accept that.”

Dalton’s expression was one of hurt.

She walked over to him and slid her arms around his waist, but he stood stiff, unyielding.

“Honey, I just want to do what’s best for her.”

“I need you there with me, Paige,” he said. “I can’t do it without you. I’m . . .”

She looked up into his face, waiting for him to continue.

He swallowed.

“What is it?” she asked.

“I just don’t know what to expect, going back there. Maybe this whole idea was a mistake.”

Paige shut her eyes and hugged him to her chest. She’d known it was going to be difficult for him to return to a place that had caused him so much pain and agony. A place that had turned his dreams into nightmares for over thirty years. A place where he’d suffered and nearly died.

“I know,” she said, stroking his neck. “I can’t imagine how hard it’s going to be. But it’s going to be hard for Sky too. If I’m making it worse, then I shouldn’t go. You’ve seen how she’s changed toward me. I don’t want to ruin what’s left of our relationship.”

Dalton held her tightly in his arms, staying silent for a moment. Then he said, “I’ll talk to her. We aren’t making any decisions until I talk to her.”

With their trip in two days, they needed to decide right away. Paige still felt torn between the decision to stay or to go. Part of her desperately wanted to be there with Dalton and Sky as they faced reminders of their pasts and moved on to their futures. But part of her wanted to stay behind because, deep in her heart, something told her they shouldn’t go. None of them.