Love Lights the Way - Sample Chapter
Prologue
It was the most important day of her life and Ashlyn felt like throwing up.
A formation of butterflies swooped and swirled inside her stomach. She glanced at the clock again. Someone should have come and taken her to the sealing room by now. She and Jake were already fifteen minutes late for their scheduled sealing time. The temple was booked solid in June and the temple workers kept a tight schedule.
Something was wrong.
Heavenly Father, please bless us so that everything will be okay. I'm so nervous. Please help me calm down. Bless me with Thy spirit so I can enjoy this wonderful experience. And thank you for Jake. He's the most wonderful man in the world.
The prayer helped a little, but she couldn't calm the queasiness in her middle.
She didn't dare sit for fear of crushing the satiny smooth fabric of her wedding dress, so instead, she paced the floor. Running her fingers across the dozens of pearls handsewn to the lacy bodice of the dress, Ashlyn tried to steady her breathing and relax, and force the awful thoughts away that kept clouding her mind.
Everything's going to be okay, she told herself.
Soon, she would kneel at the altar, across from her fiancé, Jake Gerrard, and seal their love for time and all eternity. The thought sent her heart aflutter. No one had ever made her feel the way he made her feel, and she looked forward to spending forever with him. He was spontaneous, wild and crazy, and passionate about life. He wanted to live every day to its fullest and enjoy every minute. He was her handsome knight in shining armor.
But aside from his good looks and witty sense of humor, he had a deep, thoughtful side of him that Ashlyn found mysterious and intriguing, which explained how-only three short, romantic, and magical months after meeting him-they were now getting married. Jake said he loved her and couldn't live without her. She had never felt this way about anyone.
Her mother and stepfather had expressed their concern about her marrying Jake, but Ashlyn felt their concerns were unwarranted. They worried about her marrying someone who had dropped out of college and who didn't yet have a steady job. Even more, they were concerned that Jake didn't have any income or savings to provide for his wife after they were married. But Ashlyn had put some money away, and with her degree in journalism and a teaching certificate, she could help support them until Jake decided what he wanted to do.
Ashlyn knew it would be difficult, but she and Jake would make things work. That's what marriage was all about. There were many challenges ahead for them, but with Jake by her side, Ashlyn wasn't afraid.
They planned to honeymoon in Cozumel. Ashlyn had wanted to go to Hawaii, but Jake had assured her that Cozumel was even better. When they returned, they would move to Arizona since Jake liked the warmer climate and thought he might attend ASU. Ashlyn had just secured a job for the fall teaching English at a Salt Lake junior high school, but she knew she could find work in Arizona. Jake had already gone to Arizona to find them an apartment, and their belongings were packed in their new Land Cruiser. Since Jake had thought the larger vehicle would be more practical for them, Ashlyn had sold her Honda Accord. Besides, a Land Cruiser was a real "man's" car, Jake insisted. With their plans made they were all set for their new life together.
As she paced, Ashlyn thought about their first meeting. It had been at a Young Adult fireside. He'd caught her eye the minute he walked through the door into the chapel. It was a multi-stake fireside and she'd never seen him before. After the fireside, with a little effort and some finagling, she'd managed to line up behind him in the refreshment line. It was love at first sight for both of them.
They had struck up a casual conversation, and had led to a lunch date the next day. After that they saw each other every day. Within several weeks they'd confessed their love for each other and Jake had proposed.
Now they were getting married.
At least, they were supposed to be getting married. Ashlyn checked the clock again.
What in the world was going on?
She wondered if something had happened to Jake. She knew he was at the temple because they'd arrived at the same time. They'd spoken briefly. He seemed nervous and quiet, but then she was nervous, too. After all, this was their big day.
Maybe he was sick. But if he were, surely someone would have told her by now.
Finally, she couldn't stand it any longer. She had to know what was going on.
Opening the door a crack, she heard several people talking down the hall. Recognizing her mother's and stepfather's voices, she left the room to join them and find out what was causing the delay. Just when she was about to turn the corner, the mention of Jake's name caught her attention and she stopped cold.
"I just don't know how to tell her." It was her mother's voice. "This is going to break her heart."
Ashlyn's breath caught in her chest, and a sick feeling washed over her. What was going to break her heart? What was her mother talking about?
"I'll tell her, if you want me to," her stepfather offered.
"No," her mother said softly. "I think it would be best coming from me."
"We're so sorry." The elderly voice was unfamiliar, no doubt one of the male workers at the temple. "We don't see this happen too often."
"I think I should go with you, Miranda." Ashlyn recognized the voice of Jake's mother, Barbara.
"No!" Miranda's voice came sharply. "That will just make it more painful."
Ashlyn felt tears sting her eyes. A knot formed in her throat. Backing up to the wall, she leaned against it for support. She felt faint. Something had happened to Jake.
"What are you going to say?" Garrett, her stepfather, asked.
"I don't know," Miranda cried. "How do I tell my daughter her fiancé has changed his mind and doesn't want to marry her?"
For a moment Ashlyn was stunned, not sure that she heard her mother right. Her face and hands tingled, then went numb. Then the words slowly seeped in, until they speared her consciousness with a white heat. Jake had changed his mind?
He didn't want to marry her?
Suddenly the walls started melting, and the floor began to spin. Ashlyn felt her knees go weak, then everything went black.
Chapter One
Ten months later
"You didn't get the job," the woman on the phone told Ashlyn. "We hired another teacher who had more experience. I'm sorry."
Ashlyn hung up the phone with a frustrated sigh. She was tired of going to interviews and not getting hired. What was she doing wrong? She'd been offered a job once; the principal had believed her capable despite her lack of experience. But now it seemed that no one would even give her chance.
Her mother, Miranda Erickson, burst through the garage door with both hands full of grocery bags, which she deposited on the counter. Seeing the look on her daughter's face, Miranda knew instinctively that something was the matter. "What's wrong, honey?"
"I just got a call from Oakdale Elementary. They hired someone else." Ashlyn tried to speak casually, but she couldn't stop the tears that stung her eyes.
"I'm sorry, sweetie." Miranda walked over to her daughter and gave her a hug.
"You'll get a job," she assured her. "You can't give up."
"Mom," Ashlyn said sharply, "that was the last opening. There are no other teaching positions available."
Miranda winced at her daughter's tone but kept her voice calm and patient. "Something will work out," she said, trying to sound positive. "You'll see."
But Ashlyn didn't believe her. Nothing had worked out for the last ten months. It was as if Jake deserting her at the temple had somehow jinxed the rest of her life.
Hoping to brighten the mood, Miranda said, "We got a letter today from Adam." Adam was Ashlyn's younger brother, who was on a mission in Portugal. He was loving every minute of it and would be home in only five more months. He and his companion had just baptized a father and mother and their two daughters.
Ashlyn listened as her mother described Adam's letter. "That's great," she said, trying to be excited for him. But she was too miserable to feel anything but sorry for herself.
Miranda made a last attempt to brighten her daughter's mood. "Hey, you didn't tell me what Camryn had to say when she called the other day. How's she doing?"
Camryn Davenport was Ashlyn's roommate from college at Southern Utah University. After a year at the University of Utah, Ashlyn had moved with friends to Cedar City in southern Utah to go to SUU, wanting the chance to live away from home and be on her own for a while. Camryn was there on scholarship and had been assigned to their dorm. She and Ashlyn had quickly become friends, and they'd grown very close. So close that Camryn would also have been Ashlyn's maid of honor, had her wedding actually taken place. Now Cami only had one more month of school before she graduated in interior design. Ashlyn didn't know how she would've made it through the last ten months without her friend.
"She's coming up to spend Easter vacation with us," Ashlyn said. "She said something about checking out the job market while she's here. I would love it if she moved to Salt Lake. Hopefully she'll have better luck finding a job than I have."
That night as Ashlyn pulled on her pajamas, she thought about her friend. She'd missed Cami and all the fun they'd had as roommates. There was nothing like a midnight run to Albertson's for Twinkies and red licorice, or Cami's interior design projects, one which had cost the girls their cleaning deposit on the apartment. They never did find out how that fire had started.
Ashlyn's gaze traveled to the corner of her room where her wedding bouquet of baby pink and powder blue roses, now shriveled and dried, hung on her wall, above a stack of boxes containing china, towels, and other trousseau items she'd collected in anticipation of her marriage to Jake Gerrard. Her mother had tried many times to get Ashlyn to put everything away and to move on with her life, but Ashlyn felt her mother just didn't understand. Just because Jake had stopped loving her didn't mean she had stopped loving him. Ashlyn wasn't sure why, but for some reason she needed to have those things close to her. She often stayed up late at night, looking through her scrapbooks and the proofs of her engagement pictures.
Picking up one of her wedding announcements, she read for at least the hundredth time the announcement that had never come to pass.
Dr. and Mrs. David L. Gerrard
are pleased to announce the marriage of their son
Jacob Ryan Gerrard
to
Ashlyn Kensington
daughter of the late Thomas Kensington
and Garrett and Miranda Erickson.
Ashlyn wondered where Jake was, what he was doing. She'd only seen him twice in the last ten months. The first time had been on that same day that he stood her up at the temple. He'd come to her house to tell her why he'd changed his mind.
"I just couldn't do it," he'd said, his voice a dull monotone. "I thought I loved you, but when it came down to being married for eternity, I realized I wasn't ready. It wouldn't be fair to you and it wouldn't be fair to me."
Ashlyn couldn't even respond. She'd cried the entire time he was there and for the entire week afterward. She never wanted to show her face in public again. Her heart and spirit were shattered and her pride obliterated. She felt hollow and empty inside. Many times she wondered if she would ever recover; most days she doubted it.
The one other time she'd seen him was at a University of Utah football game. Jake hadn't seen her, but she'd watched him through her stepdad's binoculars. He sat with a bunch of friends, some guys, some girls. The group appeared to be having a great time, and for Ashlyn, seeing him so happy, so obviously "over" her, it seemed to reopen her wounds and rub salt into them. Which was probably the reason she didn't like to go out anymore; she didn't want to run into him again. She knew she couldn't handle it-especially if he was with another girl.
She put the wedding announcement down, then touched the feathery softness of the quill pen that guests would have used to sign their names in the wedding registry. Shutting her eyes, she remembered how hard it had been to return all the gifts that had arrived prior to the wedding day. The look of pity on people's faces when they saw her in church or ran into her at the grocery store nearly killed her. It was easier to avoid people than endure those "looks" or their questions.
She couldn't imagine going on with the rest of her life like this. At the same time she didn't know how to get over Jake. He'd left an enormous hole in her heart when he walked out on her. How would she ever repair it and go on with her life?
It was the most important day of her life and Ashlyn felt like throwing up.
A formation of butterflies swooped and swirled inside her stomach. She glanced at the clock again. Someone should have come and taken her to the sealing room by now. She and Jake were already fifteen minutes late for their scheduled sealing time. The temple was booked solid in June and the temple workers kept a tight schedule.
Something was wrong.
Heavenly Father, please bless us so that everything will be okay. I'm so nervous. Please help me calm down. Bless me with Thy spirit so I can enjoy this wonderful experience. And thank you for Jake. He's the most wonderful man in the world.
The prayer helped a little, but she couldn't calm the queasiness in her middle.
She didn't dare sit for fear of crushing the satiny smooth fabric of her wedding dress, so instead, she paced the floor. Running her fingers across the dozens of pearls handsewn to the lacy bodice of the dress, Ashlyn tried to steady her breathing and relax, and force the awful thoughts away that kept clouding her mind.
Everything's going to be okay, she told herself.
Soon, she would kneel at the altar, across from her fiancé, Jake Gerrard, and seal their love for time and all eternity. The thought sent her heart aflutter. No one had ever made her feel the way he made her feel, and she looked forward to spending forever with him. He was spontaneous, wild and crazy, and passionate about life. He wanted to live every day to its fullest and enjoy every minute. He was her handsome knight in shining armor.
But aside from his good looks and witty sense of humor, he had a deep, thoughtful side of him that Ashlyn found mysterious and intriguing, which explained how-only three short, romantic, and magical months after meeting him-they were now getting married. Jake said he loved her and couldn't live without her. She had never felt this way about anyone.
Her mother and stepfather had expressed their concern about her marrying Jake, but Ashlyn felt their concerns were unwarranted. They worried about her marrying someone who had dropped out of college and who didn't yet have a steady job. Even more, they were concerned that Jake didn't have any income or savings to provide for his wife after they were married. But Ashlyn had put some money away, and with her degree in journalism and a teaching certificate, she could help support them until Jake decided what he wanted to do.
Ashlyn knew it would be difficult, but she and Jake would make things work. That's what marriage was all about. There were many challenges ahead for them, but with Jake by her side, Ashlyn wasn't afraid.
They planned to honeymoon in Cozumel. Ashlyn had wanted to go to Hawaii, but Jake had assured her that Cozumel was even better. When they returned, they would move to Arizona since Jake liked the warmer climate and thought he might attend ASU. Ashlyn had just secured a job for the fall teaching English at a Salt Lake junior high school, but she knew she could find work in Arizona. Jake had already gone to Arizona to find them an apartment, and their belongings were packed in their new Land Cruiser. Since Jake had thought the larger vehicle would be more practical for them, Ashlyn had sold her Honda Accord. Besides, a Land Cruiser was a real "man's" car, Jake insisted. With their plans made they were all set for their new life together.
As she paced, Ashlyn thought about their first meeting. It had been at a Young Adult fireside. He'd caught her eye the minute he walked through the door into the chapel. It was a multi-stake fireside and she'd never seen him before. After the fireside, with a little effort and some finagling, she'd managed to line up behind him in the refreshment line. It was love at first sight for both of them.
They had struck up a casual conversation, and had led to a lunch date the next day. After that they saw each other every day. Within several weeks they'd confessed their love for each other and Jake had proposed.
Now they were getting married.
At least, they were supposed to be getting married. Ashlyn checked the clock again.
What in the world was going on?
She wondered if something had happened to Jake. She knew he was at the temple because they'd arrived at the same time. They'd spoken briefly. He seemed nervous and quiet, but then she was nervous, too. After all, this was their big day.
Maybe he was sick. But if he were, surely someone would have told her by now.
Finally, she couldn't stand it any longer. She had to know what was going on.
Opening the door a crack, she heard several people talking down the hall. Recognizing her mother's and stepfather's voices, she left the room to join them and find out what was causing the delay. Just when she was about to turn the corner, the mention of Jake's name caught her attention and she stopped cold.
"I just don't know how to tell her." It was her mother's voice. "This is going to break her heart."
Ashlyn's breath caught in her chest, and a sick feeling washed over her. What was going to break her heart? What was her mother talking about?
"I'll tell her, if you want me to," her stepfather offered.
"No," her mother said softly. "I think it would be best coming from me."
"We're so sorry." The elderly voice was unfamiliar, no doubt one of the male workers at the temple. "We don't see this happen too often."
"I think I should go with you, Miranda." Ashlyn recognized the voice of Jake's mother, Barbara.
"No!" Miranda's voice came sharply. "That will just make it more painful."
Ashlyn felt tears sting her eyes. A knot formed in her throat. Backing up to the wall, she leaned against it for support. She felt faint. Something had happened to Jake.
"What are you going to say?" Garrett, her stepfather, asked.
"I don't know," Miranda cried. "How do I tell my daughter her fiancé has changed his mind and doesn't want to marry her?"
For a moment Ashlyn was stunned, not sure that she heard her mother right. Her face and hands tingled, then went numb. Then the words slowly seeped in, until they speared her consciousness with a white heat. Jake had changed his mind?
He didn't want to marry her?
Suddenly the walls started melting, and the floor began to spin. Ashlyn felt her knees go weak, then everything went black.
Chapter One
Ten months later
"You didn't get the job," the woman on the phone told Ashlyn. "We hired another teacher who had more experience. I'm sorry."
Ashlyn hung up the phone with a frustrated sigh. She was tired of going to interviews and not getting hired. What was she doing wrong? She'd been offered a job once; the principal had believed her capable despite her lack of experience. But now it seemed that no one would even give her chance.
Her mother, Miranda Erickson, burst through the garage door with both hands full of grocery bags, which she deposited on the counter. Seeing the look on her daughter's face, Miranda knew instinctively that something was the matter. "What's wrong, honey?"
"I just got a call from Oakdale Elementary. They hired someone else." Ashlyn tried to speak casually, but she couldn't stop the tears that stung her eyes.
"I'm sorry, sweetie." Miranda walked over to her daughter and gave her a hug.
"You'll get a job," she assured her. "You can't give up."
"Mom," Ashlyn said sharply, "that was the last opening. There are no other teaching positions available."
Miranda winced at her daughter's tone but kept her voice calm and patient. "Something will work out," she said, trying to sound positive. "You'll see."
But Ashlyn didn't believe her. Nothing had worked out for the last ten months. It was as if Jake deserting her at the temple had somehow jinxed the rest of her life.
Hoping to brighten the mood, Miranda said, "We got a letter today from Adam." Adam was Ashlyn's younger brother, who was on a mission in Portugal. He was loving every minute of it and would be home in only five more months. He and his companion had just baptized a father and mother and their two daughters.
Ashlyn listened as her mother described Adam's letter. "That's great," she said, trying to be excited for him. But she was too miserable to feel anything but sorry for herself.
Miranda made a last attempt to brighten her daughter's mood. "Hey, you didn't tell me what Camryn had to say when she called the other day. How's she doing?"
Camryn Davenport was Ashlyn's roommate from college at Southern Utah University. After a year at the University of Utah, Ashlyn had moved with friends to Cedar City in southern Utah to go to SUU, wanting the chance to live away from home and be on her own for a while. Camryn was there on scholarship and had been assigned to their dorm. She and Ashlyn had quickly become friends, and they'd grown very close. So close that Camryn would also have been Ashlyn's maid of honor, had her wedding actually taken place. Now Cami only had one more month of school before she graduated in interior design. Ashlyn didn't know how she would've made it through the last ten months without her friend.
"She's coming up to spend Easter vacation with us," Ashlyn said. "She said something about checking out the job market while she's here. I would love it if she moved to Salt Lake. Hopefully she'll have better luck finding a job than I have."
That night as Ashlyn pulled on her pajamas, she thought about her friend. She'd missed Cami and all the fun they'd had as roommates. There was nothing like a midnight run to Albertson's for Twinkies and red licorice, or Cami's interior design projects, one which had cost the girls their cleaning deposit on the apartment. They never did find out how that fire had started.
Ashlyn's gaze traveled to the corner of her room where her wedding bouquet of baby pink and powder blue roses, now shriveled and dried, hung on her wall, above a stack of boxes containing china, towels, and other trousseau items she'd collected in anticipation of her marriage to Jake Gerrard. Her mother had tried many times to get Ashlyn to put everything away and to move on with her life, but Ashlyn felt her mother just didn't understand. Just because Jake had stopped loving her didn't mean she had stopped loving him. Ashlyn wasn't sure why, but for some reason she needed to have those things close to her. She often stayed up late at night, looking through her scrapbooks and the proofs of her engagement pictures.
Picking up one of her wedding announcements, she read for at least the hundredth time the announcement that had never come to pass.
Dr. and Mrs. David L. Gerrard
are pleased to announce the marriage of their son
Jacob Ryan Gerrard
to
Ashlyn Kensington
daughter of the late Thomas Kensington
and Garrett and Miranda Erickson.
Ashlyn wondered where Jake was, what he was doing. She'd only seen him twice in the last ten months. The first time had been on that same day that he stood her up at the temple. He'd come to her house to tell her why he'd changed his mind.
"I just couldn't do it," he'd said, his voice a dull monotone. "I thought I loved you, but when it came down to being married for eternity, I realized I wasn't ready. It wouldn't be fair to you and it wouldn't be fair to me."
Ashlyn couldn't even respond. She'd cried the entire time he was there and for the entire week afterward. She never wanted to show her face in public again. Her heart and spirit were shattered and her pride obliterated. She felt hollow and empty inside. Many times she wondered if she would ever recover; most days she doubted it.
The one other time she'd seen him was at a University of Utah football game. Jake hadn't seen her, but she'd watched him through her stepdad's binoculars. He sat with a bunch of friends, some guys, some girls. The group appeared to be having a great time, and for Ashlyn, seeing him so happy, so obviously "over" her, it seemed to reopen her wounds and rub salt into them. Which was probably the reason she didn't like to go out anymore; she didn't want to run into him again. She knew she couldn't handle it-especially if he was with another girl.
She put the wedding announcement down, then touched the feathery softness of the quill pen that guests would have used to sign their names in the wedding registry. Shutting her eyes, she remembered how hard it had been to return all the gifts that had arrived prior to the wedding day. The look of pity on people's faces when they saw her in church or ran into her at the grocery store nearly killed her. It was easier to avoid people than endure those "looks" or their questions.
She couldn't imagine going on with the rest of her life like this. At the same time she didn't know how to get over Jake. He'd left an enormous hole in her heart when he walked out on her. How would she ever repair it and go on with her life?
